robot with a heart

it’s amazing to me how music moves me. for the last few days i couldn’t sense anything… some defense mechanism that my body’s automatically turning on perhaps?

i’ve been listening to music to try to stimulate myself. the last songs i’ve enjoyed during the good moments were from the Across the Universe soundtrack… “i want to hold your hand”, “let it be”, “hey jude”, etc. good music i must say, and yes it did bring somewhat a sense of emptiness… perhaps even a longing for what was… but it didn’t do the trick. i realize now as i’m writing this that it may be because the music wasn’t grounded in an experience… other than the movie and some random singings as we walked. grounded in something, yes, but not deeply ingrained into me.

so here i am at work… decided to put on some music… i beatles-ed myself out yesterday so no more of that… scrolling thru my music folders i felt like i was slammed by a truck just by reading a folder name… i didn’t even listen to it yet, but just reading the name brought back a surge of memories i wasn’t expecting… i was reluctant to put it in the playlist for worry of what it will do to me, but how could i resist? it’s good music. i need to feel.

the magical album this time around was Dishwalla’s Opaline. this album is deeply associated with my trip to s. africa. it was the album that i listen to before the trip. i associate it with all the saving up. the anticipation of getting on the plane. going to africa to see one i’ve been waiting so long to see. i associate it with the going of trip. nearly two days in an airplane in total. this was the album that played. these tunes kept on playing even as i slept in my chair in the plane and when i woke up i heard this album. as i read my narnia books on the bed with the green sheets i listened to this. that room. looking out the window to devil’s peak. hanging my mini towel there to dry. looking out on the tree and the brai grill outside. and i listened to this when i got back. it’s associated with the beginnings of my new waiting for the next few months to be over. this album has such a personal hold over me.

and as i started to write this i began to think of all the other albums or songs that remind me of points in my life. i’ll just mention a few to close this off. edwin mccain’s i’ll be reminds me of parting moments from miami. eagle eye cherry’s save tonight reminds me of my first winter living in new york. dmb’s crush from before these crowded streets reminds me of a trip to boston in my HS junior yr… i can go on but i’ll just leave it at that. music is such a gift… even tho it sometimes hurts… even that is a gift.