what do i do?

i’ve been having some difficulty identifying my vocation. now that i’m on the road to ordination and full time ministry, i don’t think it make sense to even tell others that i’m a developer, even if that’s easier to explain than minister /pastor / priest / holy-man. maybe it’s just me getting used to it… i’m over sensitive perhaps… but i feel as though “pastor” or “minister” invites so many assumptions i’d rather not have to un-explain. sometimes, there’s nothing that kills a conversation w/ someone you just met than telling them that you’re a minister.

i’ve found myself saying the awkward work around, “i work for a church” which is technically true but it also says nothing. when i get around to saying that i perform a lot of pastor / ministry functions, i don’t find myself identifying my church as a “Christian Church.” I find it easier to obscure my church as a “Presbyterian Church” in order to avoid labels that people think they understand (e.g. christian, evangelical, protestant, etc).

i tend to overexplain when i’m anxious. explaining ministry to people outside church is something im not practiced in and make me uncomfortable… almost like having to give a sermon on the spot without notes; i’ll talk in circles and add unnecessary details. too many thoughts and explanations wanting to rush out; not enough preparation to sort through them in real time.

so what do i do? soon i hope to be able to plainly say, “i’m a pastor at a church.” and rest easy with all the complexities that that entails. perhaps i can welcome further questions rather than trying to answer all further questions within that single answer.