we just returned from our longest camping trip as a family at mongaup pond. it was really nice to be disconnected (no cell service at all!) for several days and spend face to face time with family… and friends! we had our friends join us this year and their two boys are similar enough in age to play all day long. they made up their own games including Dragon which no one was able to explain.
there’s something about staying up and talking with people by a fire that just feels right. no one checks their phones. no one is in a rush to the next appointment. the only thing on anyone’s agenda is sleep. our minds wander from subject to subject, questions to wonder, stories to imagination. it’s a good thing to be with others, free from having to be anywhere or anyone else.
it was also freeing to wake up and not worry about anything except making and eating breakfast — which is a joy in itself! the kids were already up and about, attending to the important business of playing! and in the midst of the bacon frying and water boiling the beautiful surroundings of the pond/lake, trees, earth, even the critters going about their business! there is a rested peaceful shalom-ness in it all.
it’s unfortunate these moments are so few and far between right now. i do wonder how i can make room for these to happen even while living in the city. i feel like i’ve had them before. saturday at the steps. after school at “stuy park”. even early “days off” when we only had one kid. maybe i need that again.
steph always says i need more deep relationships. i have to admit i do avoid them because i think they’ll exhaust me. i have a history of painful abandonment that i choose to ignore. this past long weekend, perhaps unknown to anyone else, was an attempt to open up. nothing big. but intentional unguardedness. it felt nice. perhaps i’ll look back on this as a step in the right direction. it feels weird to be watching my soul laid bare step by step. it’s kind of… uncomfortable… yet at the same time i know it’s needed and i know it’s good. and better to do it now when i’m attending to it than for it to surprise me at my worst moments later.