I was chatting with a friend recently who likened the idea of leaving a church as a kind of “immigration.” This idea intrigued me.
Because one of the first questions I hear people ask when anyone leaves a church, “Are they still Christian?” and similar questions that I believe are very shame inducing. I don’t think the shaming is intentional, but because we are such social creatures… because we all have such a strong desire to belong, when we leave a community, shame comes upon us quickly:
Were we not good enough?
Why couldn’t I stay?
Should I have stayed?
Will people think I abandoned them?
And these questions are not alone, because on the other side of having left there are other questions:
What will I do now?
Who will I build a new community with?
What about my family and relationships?
Recasting this as a kind of immigration helps me to take the stigma out of leaving a community. It is a courageous endeavor to go into the unknown in pursuit of something better. Maybe to improve future conditions for your family. Maybe in search of liberty or freedom or opportunity. There are surely things that you miss of the “old country” such as food, friendships, experiences. But rebuilding from scratch helps me hope that I will build a better life and pass on a better faith to my family.
That’s how my current season feels. I’m looking for a new faith home that feels safe. Where I can find a sense of belonging and be at rest. At the same time I long for a faith that has purpose; some of that is mixed with my pastoral vocation, but it’s broader than that. I want a faith for myself and for my family that isn’t separated from life; a faith that does not find it’s primary expression in what it’s not, but what it’s for.