In this series:
As I start this third post, I hope to be much more succinct that my first two. Ephesians 5 is often used as the central text regarding the marriage in the complementarian home. In this text, husbands are exhorted to love their wives as Christ loved the church. This means even dying (often imagined in a glorious, sacrificial way) for her. Wives are called to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord as a way of showing appreciation and gratitude.
Books on complementarian marriages would often give the practical instruction that the husband is the head of the household and thus responsible for the overall (and especially spiritual) wellbeing of the home. If there is disagreement between husband and wife, the husband is the “tie-breaker” and called to make the final decision. Wives give to their husbands the “gift” of submission[1]. This is what I understood in the church contexts in which I was brought up and in the church spaces where I worked.
I’ve since reworked my understanding of this passage. While many complementarians would accuse me of “reinterpreting the passage to suit my desires,” it was actually a deeper engagement with the text and the context of the passage that led me to change my understanding of Paul’s[2] instruction in Ephesians 5. The first bit of context comes from the text itself.
Mutual submission
In many English translations, especially (but not limited to) those used in explicitly complementarians churches/denominations,[3] the household codes started with verse 22. The decision regarding the paragraph break to start with v.22 as well as the additional minor header (e.g. “Wives and Husbands” (ESV), “Marriage—Christ and the Church” (NKJV), “Marriage like Christ and the Church” (NASB)) separated v21 from the greater text. It took some time exploring additional translations and learning about the politics behind the English bible for me to realize that the separation of v21 from v22 is artificial and deeply affects interpretation. It more properly pairs with regard to subject matter with v22ff than with the previous block of text.
When we put v21 back into place, we find that it acts as a header, putting all the relationships to follow — husbands and wives, children and parents, slaves and masters — under the overarching directive: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” The submission we find in Christian community is never coerced or demanded, it is mutual because of Christ. We are not to “lord over” one another as the world does, but mutually submit in love. Thus, whatever interpretation we come with regard to the relationships in Ephesians 5 and 6, it should align with the mutuality expressed in verse 21.
Culture shock
As I continued to explore the context of the church in Ephesus and the assumptions in the Roman empire[4] at the time, I learned that Paul’s version of the household codes as recorded in Ephesians would have been a shock to his audience. At the time, household codes were only directed to men; it was a patriarchal society after all. Men were given instructions about how to manage their households (wives, children, slaves, etc) and thus they had the final say in all matters. For Paul to create household codes that addressed women, children, slaves, was to give them agency in a domain where they typically had no voice. While it is necessary to acknowledge the cultural moment that Paul was living in (I assume it would be too much to think Paul would attempt to uproot all of patriarchal society), the direction of Paul’s instruction is to elevate and equalize. In his pastoral role he acknowledges the established system and, with wisdom and discernment, took steps in the direction of equality. In a different letter he would acknowledge, “There is no longer Jew or Greek; there is no longer slave or free; there is no longer male and female, for all of you are one in Christ Jesus.”
The spirit of the law
Thus if I am to properly discern the “spirit of the law” rather than the “letter of the law,” Paul is directing the church toward partnership, not dominance. When followers of Christ (whether they be friends, marital partners, parents and children, masters and slaves, whatever social structures exist because we are human beings who function within social structures) learn mutual submission, we exercise real peacemaking, not conflict avoidance through “tie-breaking.” We sharpen one another rather than expect unequal leadership in our relationships. The spirit of the law is mutual love, not dominance.
Thus when I read Ephesians 5 against the backdrop of the cultural and social expectations of the time, Paul is pastorally weaving between established cultural order and the divine image-bearing-ness that we are in light of the resurrection. He is not a stubborn idealist but one who is attentive to the direction of the Spirit in his time.
I could say much more but I’m trying to keep these posts cursory and introductory. If you want a more robust engagement with the text, I would start with Philip Payne’s work and the extensive footnotes in his published work.
| 1 | I won’t expand on this further; any google search for “gift of submission” will bring up complemtarian blogs/posts that will present this more fully. |
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| 2 | For simplicity I am referring to the author of Ephesians as Paul |
| 3 | in my circles, this was the ESV. any quick search on the history, development, and “politics” of the ESV would be informative. |
| 4 | How often do you think about the roman empire? =D |