wanting intimate prayer

i just got back from a really good time of prayer @ the church office. church has been having these prayer meetings on late tuesday nights. i think it’s one of the best things rwc has instituted w/ prayer this year. tuesday night prayer meetings have no agenda. there’s no official prayer leader. there’s no topics to prompt. it’s just sweet time w/ god. i think the testimonies have been going around about how great tuesday night prayer is and more and more people have started to come out. it’s really good to see people come out to a prayer meeting where theyre not required to go to just because they want to. i think this is how you teach a culture to love to pray… but in the one month that ive been going to these meetings i’m starting to notice a trend which is making tuesday’s prayer meeting lose its…. “magic”.

what i love about tuesday is plainly what i said before… “it’s just sweet time w/ god”. but as more and more people come out and as i’m overhearing people’s prayers (i’m not being nosy… there’s no way that i CAN’T hear them… i often wish there was), it’s hard to find that atmosphere which is conducive to repentance, meditation, reflection, and rest. i feel like when a lot of people get together to pray at rwc, there’s always this sense of mission like “we gotta be a light to the world and save the world from satan and his allies!” and there’s nothing really wrong w/ that. yes, i think there’s a time for intercession for our family/friends/church/community/city/world/dogs/cats/goldfish/etc. it’s juat that it’s NOT ALL THE TIME. i think of the mary/martha story: sitting at his feet, or doing work for him. both are important but i think one should precede the other. we can’t go out on mission w/o being filled first. and we can’t be filled unless we go to the source. i wonder if martha was “busy” so that she would not have to face up to jesus. perhaps this general obsession with saving the world is something that looks good but is really just a cover up from our inability to come before god and just be still… maybe… anyway, just thinking out-loud.

eventually i had to find my guitar and go to a separate room just to be away from the noise and sense of tension i felt in the room. i took my guitar into an empty room and just prayed and sang songs and just got some sweet time. it was nice. like… really really nice. praying, singing songs, making up song-prayers. i realize now that i might’ve been loud… my voice sounds a bit coarse so i guess i was loud… oh well i dont think i cared about volume at the time… i figured the volume of the other room would drown me out.

when i finished in the other room and came out i started getting my things together to head home. as i was doing this i noticed the other room went very very quiet and i think i heard pb closing off on some shpiel… i didn’t get to hear the content of what he said but it ended up w/ steve leading people into a time of worship… and as i stood there outside the door watching, i had a smile on my face bc my mind just kept thinking, “god, you answer prayer very fast”. while i was in the other room, i prayed for the people in the main room that they would learn to rest and just enjoy god in their prayers. i was intent on leaving but as i was stood there watching i decided to just stay for a bit and worship w/ them. it was so sooo nice. as worship continued i sensed the tension in the room change from restless-busyness to enjoyment, rest, and praise. when i eventually left (in the middle of one of the song) there was definitely tension in the air but it had a very very different flavor than when i left the room the first time. it was a tension of people wanting to sing more because our bodies aren’t able to express fully the joy we have when in his presence. a tension that wishes we had bigger voices, bigger hearts to give more glory to our god. i left the office happy tonight.

at tuesday night prayer meetings, i just want to meet with god. not ask him to change the world. but i want him to change me. ask him to talk to me and meet with me and listen to me. i’m happy i was able to do that this week. goodnight.